This is what I wore to my daughter's wedding. Clearly these are not pictures of me. If they were I wouldn't have needed to cover myself from head-to-toe in spandex.
I feel as if thanks to Spanx, the jiggly bits that refused to succumb to my rigorous nine-month diet and exercise program were at least contained in a smooth, if not perfectly sleek package.
I begged her to give me a year to prepare, but oh, no she had her own agenda.
The strapless top kept falling down all evening which at times gave me a strange, uncontrolled push-up effect. Every time I raised my arms to dance or more often to drink Champagne, one or both sides slipped down.
Fortunately I had a shoulder strap evening bag so my hands were free to yank it back up -- an extremely attractive gesture as you can imagine.
Note black bottoms with the strapless camisole (in the picture). Chantal Thomass, designer of some of the world's most luscious, lust-inducing lingerie would have an attack if she saw such a mismatched ensemble.
As she says: "Personally I cannot imagine not coordinating tops and bottoms." Furthermore she believes we'll all have a happier life if we wear pretty, sexy underwear "even if it's our own special little secret." Well, if that's all it takes why not?
My getup was a perfect column of unbroken nude elastic. Nothing seductive about it, but cognizant of Madame Thomass' priorities I was color-coordinated, which at least made me feel smug if not sexy.
Since I'm here to help those of you who have yet to celebrate your big day, I have an important piece of advice: Spanx aside, do not forget to hold your stomach in every time you see a camera. Years from now you will thank me.