It's true. I am relentless. And with good reason. Rarely does life offer occasions on which one can not only burnish stellar reputations on all the superficial levels for which we care so deeply OR -- and here is where we have a truly exceptional opportunity -- where we can re-establish, re-create or completely re-invent ourselves.
Hello? That day has come (or is coming).
Once again I must emphasize: Every detail counts. I realize you may think, ever so fleetingly, all I do is carp, carp, carp, but au contraire. When one seeks perfection, one must be rigorous. We're planning for one of the most important events in our lives.
Nothing is insignificant. For precisely that reason, I bring up a subject some might consider inconsequential: Handkerchiefs. They are not.
Under no circumstances should your lovely little shoulder bag (in the future we'll be discussing the pros -- there are no cons -- of shoulder bags for the MOB) be stuffed with tissues.
On the outside chance you forget you paid a makeup artist to apply every hi-tech, light-reflecting, beauty-enhancing product that exists and you feel a tear spilling over your lower lashes: For heaven's sake catch it with an exquisite, lace-trimmed handkerchief.
You see what I mean about details? A kleenex could be a reputation breaker. Seriously.
You will note in the Picasso painting "Woman Crying" (with handkerchief I might add) her makeup is a complete mess.
Some women have a shoe fetish, I have a handkerchief fetish. (I happen to know two other perfectly normal women -- well, one is a little crazy, but the other one seems OK -- who also collect handkerchiefs.) We needn't discuss this further, suffice it to say you will need at least one beauty for your bag, just in case. Not to be a priss or anything, but a lady should always have a beautiful hanky with her at all times even if it's nestled up against a plastic pack of paper tissues, just for the sake of appearances. And what do we care most about in this world? You've got it: Appearances.
Almost forgot. While searching for handsome hankies to illustrate my point I found one embroidered with the following message: "This loving reminder, For all the years, You dried my tears." I guess the bride is supposed to give it to her mother. . . I thought about including the photo in a "don't even think about it" postscript, but was afraid someone might try to sue me. The others pictured are from the Irish Linen Company.
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